Practice makes perfect: ‘Failures’

I recently wrote about how I should stop making excuses and go after The Dream :D. Here is a brief account of what happened the days after:

I was feeling AWESOME, I had a purpose, a goal and a plan. I didn’t much care about other people and what they were thinking of me, all I felt was a surge of unconditional love for everyone. I felt a strong feeling of Oneness with everybody. Surprisingly enough other people started to fall in love with me back(Surprising because that has never happened to me before, I either try to please everyone and come off as a total pushover or I cut myself off  from everybody with a spiteful “Don’t care what YOU think *****!” Attitude and come off as a loner). I think for us to love everybody is so natural, its just sad all the social conditioning blocks us from feeling so. Anyway, more on that later 🙂

Goal wise, I was doing pretty good. I would take notes during class hours, pay a lot of attention and ask questions when I thought fit. I would look forward to my classes. Other times, when I had nothing to do in college I would read journals and magazines. I volunteered to give two presentations to my class and my teachers really liked me 😀

Health wise, I quit smoking, I think I had one cigarette after the quit date. I slept enough, I woke up at 5a.m everyday and I ate healthy lacto-ovo vegetarian meals.

Relationship wise, my parents started to love and trust me again. It doesn’t bother me much if they don’t but when they DO, it feels good because I’m their daughter :D. Also because I live with them and I get a lot of peace of mind, when they are not giving me 2 hour lectures about why I shouldn’t this and that, so I would be the ideal Indian(and Brahmin) girl who can marry the ideal Brahmin boy later and make some ideal Indian babies, so that this cycle can continue(Till the earth gets swallowed by the Sun!) ! Pffft! All my energy goes in trying to feel better later! But all that didn’t happen, the house was calm and fun 🙂

One fine day, just a normal looking day I MET A GUY *sigh*! I was totally smitten.To make the long story short, I let go of all my goals, my routine, my confidence, my beliefs and I started smoking again! Way more than I normally would. And I want to make it clear that I’m not blaming the guy for this ‘failure’ but I am owning responsibility for being influenced by our relationship to that extent. If anything, he tried pretty hard to make me study and get good grades.

After looking over what the payoff could have been with this pattern I am back to start again. By starting again its not like starting OVER from scratch. I have all the lessons and experiences to back me up this time. I know what to look out for. I know how it FEELS to be there :). I know that I COULD lose track again, but what I know for SURE is that I will never stop coming back! 😀

People say its okay to make mistakes, but never make them twice, learn and move on. But I think we humans are much more complex than that, we sometimes need to make those mistakes a bunch of times to fully understand what is going wrong. But for that to happen, we should never stop going back and doing it again. Practice makes perfect!

So the next time you fail, if you find yourself  thinking “I fucked up! Again!!! I’m incorrigible 😦 😦 :(“(Which I tend to do sometimes:p). Remember that, it was just another round in the ring! 😀 You fall and get hurt, but your going back in to kick some ass and gain some wisdom 😀 Because YOU have the power and the will of The Hurricane! (He is one of my Idols :))

May The Force be with you!